Effectively Authentic: Why Authenticity Matters, But Why Flexibility Matters Just as Much

“Just be authentic.”

It’s some of the most common advice we hear about leadership and culture. And there’s truth in it. Feeling safe to bring your whole self to work matters—a lot. Many people still don’t feel they have that freedom.

But over the years, I’ve learned that authenticity on its own isn’t enough.

The real power comes when you’re effectively authentic: grounded in who you are, and skilled at flexing how you show up so you can be heard, trusted, and influential in different rooms—without turning into someone you don’t recognize. It's about making a choice.

Being effectively authentic means:

• You know your natural style.

• You can dial certain aspects up or down based on the context.

• You’re intentional about the impact you want to have.

• You still feel like you at the end of the day.

Too often, people with low flexibility skills rationalize their situation as,

“I’m just being me, and if they don’t like it, this isn’t the right fit.”

Sometimes that’s true. But other times the more honest statement would be:

“I haven’t figured out how to leverage my uniqueness to influence and persuade effectively.”

The goal isn’t to be less yourself. It’s to become more skillful with how you express yourself—so your authenticity actually lands.

What Flexing an Authentic Style Looks Like

Here are a few concrete examples of how you can flex your natural style without betraying who you are.

1. High-Passion, High-Energy Communicator

Leverage it fully when:

• You want to show strong conviction.

• You’re motivating or inspiring others.

• The room needs energy and belief.

Dial it back when:

• Too much passion could be read as bias, “selling,” or steamrolling.

• You’re with senior leaders who need to see your thinking as considered and balanced.

• You want your ideas to feel grounded, not reactive.

Sometimes the most effective, authentic version of you is still passionate—but with more pauses, more structure, and more space for others.

2. Full-Context Storyteller

Leverage it fully when:

• You’re with peers or teams who appreciate context and color.

• The story itself will make your point more memorable.

• You have enough time to let the story land.

Dial it back when:

• Time is tight and your audience just wants the key points.

• Details could distract from the decision being made.

• You’re presenting information that needs to be quickly compared or prioritized.

Mark Twain once wrote, “I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.” Brevity, ironically, takes more work than letting all the details flow. Being effectively authentic means you can still be a storyteller—just a disciplined one when the situation calls for it.

3. Casual, Informal Communicator

Leverage it fully when:

• You’re building trust or lowering defenses.

• The context is already laid-back and relational.

• Psychological safety matters more than hierarchy.

Dial it back when:

• A too-casual tone might signal you’re not committed or fully prepared.

• You need your recommendations to be taken seriously by a skeptical audience.

• The stakes are high and formality reinforces respect for the moment.

Dialing up formality a bit doesn’t mean you’ve sold out your personality. It means you’re choosing a style that best serves your intent.

How Far Should You Flex?

Whatever your natural style, you get to decide how far you’re willing to flex it.

• Flex too much, and you can break—burned out, disconnected, or feeling like an imposter.

• Flex too little, and you may fall short of your potential, locked out of rooms where your voice is needed.

Not all feedback is created equal, either. Some “opportunities” are just the shadow side of your greatest strengths. It may not be worth the energy—or the cost—to “fix” them.

The key is to be deliberate:

• What am I willing to experiment with?

• What feels like a growth edge?

• What feels like it would erase something essential?

You don’t have to hand over your self-definition to every piece of feedback you receive.

The Moment I Realized I Didn’t Have to Change

For a long time, I was a classic approval seeker. If someone I respected gave me feedback, I treated it like a commandment.

At one point, I received a piece of professional feedback I really wanted to “fix.” When it didn’t shift as quickly as I hoped by working on it at work, I decided to tackle it in my personal life too—full 360. I came home and announced to my husband that I was going to overhaul this part of my behavior everywhere and asked for his help holding me accountable.

He looked at me and said, very calmly:

“No. I don’t think you need to do this. I love you just the way you are.”

It stopped me in my tracks.

It hadn’t really occurred to me that I could simply decline a piece of feedback—that I was allowed to say:

“I hear it, I understand it, and I’m choosing not to act on it.”

That moment cracked something open for me. It didn’t mean I stopped caring about growth. It meant I started choosing how I grew.

Some feedback touches the core of who you are. If “fixing” it would mean sacrificing a core strength or losing yourself, it might not be worth it to address.

That, to me, is the heart of being effectively authentic.

Bringing Your Most Effectively Authentic Self to Work

So, where does this leave us?

• Don’t let “authenticity” be an excuse for refusing to flex.

• Don’t let “effectiveness” become a reason to erase yourself.

The sweet spot is in the middle:

• You know your style.

• You understand your impact.

• You flex on purpose.

• You keep what is essential, even as you grow.

When you look in the mirror, you still see someone you respect and recognize—and you’re increasingly capable of leading, influencing, and communicating in a wider range of rooms.

That’s the goal:

Not just to be authentic.

Not just to be effective.

But to be effectively authentic—using your natural style, consciously managed and skillfully flexed, for the greatest possible impact.

About Kymm Martinez

Kymm is the CEO and Founder of Wilder Marketing Group, a strategic marketing consultancy specializing in helping purpose-driven organizations unlock sustainable growth and lasting brand value. With more than 30 years of experience in C-suite positions encompassing Fortune 200, higher education and the non-profit sectors, Kymm is a frequent speaker on topics including marketing strategy, AI-enabled growth and authentic leadership. Executive mentoring and advising are part of the services offered through Wilder. To learn more, reach out at Kymm@WilderMarketingGroup.com.